HELLO.
"Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." Through the Looking-Glass; Lewis Carroll
| Hello. | Goodbye. |
|
Through the Looking-Glass; Lewis Carroll |
|
Sunday, December 20, 2009, 4:10 PM
SALUTATIONS, LOVELY PEOPLE!! I'm back - hmm, is anyone left around here? *sound of crickets chirping* Oh well, guess not. Still, doesn't take the fun outta it right? (: My exams are over and for the past one month I have been consciously slacking around being a bum. Not very pious but yeah. And my results came out on the 14th Dec (last Monday) and I'd like to thank everyone who had to talk me out of various stages of nervous breakdown/panic/the whole hog. (and assure me that even if my results were THAT crappy and my life went down the longkang they'd all still love me:) On the downside the proposed trip back to SG has been called off cos tickets are exorbitant and unless oil prices drop they still will be D: So my apologies until I next see you guys again (: But I won't be counting out the possibility of vacations (: Term starts in late Feb/early March and one thing I have heard about uni is that they have insane vacation spreads. Correct me if I'm wrong? And and... I'M I'M GOING TO UNI PEOPLE! *jumps around ecstatically* In all my time here I'd never thought I'd ever make it this far. Honestly, I was pretty convinced I'd die halfway through high school. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. Taylors College where I did my last year of secondary school (here they call Years 10-12/ equivalent of sec 4 - J2 high school/college) is international, so I got to meet a whole bunch of people from a myriad of backgrounds, lifestyles and beliefs and it definitely was a step out of the ordinary. And even though the cultural shock was massive at first (and still is; I haven't plucked up the courage to talk to cashiers without mumbling) I can say that I'm definitely in unfamiliar water right now. But that's life, isn't it? Right now I have to accept that it is and will be a big leap for me, but I'm determined to learn as much from it as I can. In reflection, 2009 has been a life-changing year. It's been my first year living completely in a foreign country, with another way of life. It has also been a year of firsts - ups and downs. On the bright side, people here get lots more freedom from a young age - here we're allowed to learn how to drive when we turn 16, we get to pick out our own subjects rather than stick to combinations, and as a first I've gone to a school where there's no prescribed uniform. (LOL, it's free-dress) Kids at this age party lots too, but that hasn't really been up my alley. But the high school campus is in the city, and it was wonderful to be able to walk around lots of places - the culture is amazing; there's so much streetlife here in the CBD, not just offices and bureaucracy. The architecture is gorgeous (for once I was able to stand outside a Tiffany's building and gawp at the window display just like Holly Golightly:) and the historic atmosphere of the place is simply breathtaking. It was so convenient; just to be able to hop on a tram and go round the city on a tour. And the flea markets, and Parliament house and the Museum. And the Yarra river if you've seen my photos, it's so similar to the River back home. All the skyscrapers are visible from the riverside, it's almost like the Skyline, but I'm not saying that the two are identical, because both are breathtaking in their own unique ways. The teachers here teach pretty differently too - we're given the chance to learn largely at our own pace, but we're expected to ask when we need help and find things out for ourselves rather than be spoon-fed all the time. It's been the first time I had to do a location study for Geography, and the first time I've actually been required to read a map. (and I still wonder why I have trouble with it since I've been studying Geog for the past 5 years?!) And the first time I had to learn to deal with a lot of things on my own - details like travelling, scheduling and school paperwork - things that would have largely been taken care of by others like teachers and my parents and even the Government back in Singapore. On the downside, it's also been the first time I've been exposed to lots of other worries - like the basic things, like worrying whether or not I'd have a roof over my head whether we'd be able to find a suitable house cos renting here is pretty expensive. But thank goodness we'd found a suitable house to rent at the start of this year which was in a wonderful location - I can walk pretty much anywhere, to the train station or the mall or bus terminal. And debating about whether to buy textbooks cos they were so expensive. I ended up buying some second hand and taking out the CDs from my teachers and literally studying by computer (HAH!) but it also taught me an important lesson in self-discipline =.= so next year I think I'll just go buy the textbooks and save the anguish, LOL. It was also tough to fit in at school first, cos loads of the kids have been there for previous years and parachuting into a new system in the final year meant that I had to get used to the culture at school and the new syllabus and it got pretty overwhelming at times, but I'm thankful for the wonderful people, classmates, teachers and advisors alike that helped me get through the year (: This year I also experienced for the first (and last, I pray) time, a burn-out. It is a most horrible feeling, a complete numbness - I would do badly at a paper and come home but still not feel motivated to study because I was just so scared that if I tried to take another step I'd just fall in to blackness. So this year I've learnt a very important lesson to know myself and my limits, cos I just mugged throughout the year without any idea of stopping and I fell really ill a couple of times (I'd like to thank my wonderful GP for her advise on recuperation:) and it was hard to catch up from there so I guess I've got to learn how to pace myself from now on. And. And I have to thank one really special person :) JOVI made it to Melbourne Uni (lucky girl!) We were in the same high school. I remember my shock when she stopped me when I was leaving a chemistry class and kind of gasped "OMG YOU'RE HERE?!" in my face. Haha, it was so wonderful having her there though we didn't get to see each other much cos she was doing the international syllabus and I was doing local curriculum. But she was kind of like a link for me, proof and memory that I also had a life back home and for the last 16 years, and that kept me grounded though I was in a totally new environment. And of course, the few poor unfortunate souls that I called up time and time again to vent to - Des, Angie, YiCi (this amazing heck of a kid called me more than I phoned home, haha:), Theck Yee, Avie, Jack (: If it weren't for you guys and your hugs, listening ears, mature advice, slaps across the face, having my head smashed into the nearest hard surface and shoulders to cry on all the time, I swear I would have gone mad a hell of a long time ago, truth, peace, cross my heart, fingers and legs :D I'm well concerned that being away for an entire year has meant that I've changed in some ways. I change everyday, every second - some experiences change me, some don't, and some just leave some intangible notch in my memory. I know I've changed in some ways that aren't all that desirable - for example, my eyes literally turn green now when I get jealous (very, very easily) but honestly, I can say that living oceans away from almost all I've known for the past 16 years of my life probably does that. And here I've seen things that I'd rather not have seen or experienced but truth is they're always out there and I was going to have to face up and learn to deal with them sooner or later so better sooner, get used to it than later right? I also understand that everyone else has changed and it would be completely unfair for me to begrudge you guys for that cos you live your own lives and I live my own. But I hope that no matter what all of us will still remain connected, in some way or another, just like we once were back then and still will be. I suppose over time I've gotten immature, materialistic, overly sensitive, increasingly-shortfused, more selfish and even less disciplined. I've become more of a baby than I used to be. What I can, what I know I must, I will change. I want to go home, more than ever. And it would be unfair to claim that I want to do otherwise. But I know now that this is an opportunity for me to experience a new way of life and learn as much as I can and I want as much as possible, to embrace this. I suppose I can say that I'm more than comfortable with saying that about some things I won't give a damn (just only the finger:) and that I hope I learn to breathe. It's just that in Singapore, and here in Australia, and even overseas life is different. And I'll have to learn to adapt, wherever I am, and as much as I hope I don't lose sight of who I am, that I enjoy these experiences and learn whatever I can. And I know that people have changed cos they will change - some more than others. I'm truly sorry if I have behaved rather over-possessively, immaturely, but right now suppose there isn't much I can do scept for let go. It's tragic, in as unmelodramatic a way as possible, but until I get my bearings back I'm really afraid I'll mess things up even further. So that sums this up; I might come back and edit stuff if I feel like it but as of now I suppose I could take the blog off life-support and move it out of the ICU yeah? (: |