HELLO.
"Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." Through the Looking-Glass; Lewis Carroll
| Hello. | Goodbye. |
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Through the Looking-Glass; Lewis Carroll |
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Wednesday, April 08, 2009, 7:51 PM
You know what? I'm sick of playing second fiddle. It's not like I've never had my chance in the limelight or I've never been looked up to, it's just that I've had enough of being trampled all over. I've been loved and have loved in return. I will always treasure that. So it would be civil to realise that I will turn violent when you want to take it from me. I've had it with opening my heart and trusting and having people walk all over me. I've had it of you telling the whole wide world how wonderful your life is when my life isn't as great off. I know it's only fair perhaps - I've always had the better life, the one with the sparkles and golden gilt of perfection. So I don't know why I never want to lose it. And I love you, but if I lose it all to you I swear I will do everything in my power to take it back. Or if not destroy it all. I've had it with you coming up and telling me that I've changed, that I've become such a different person from who I once was. Know what? You think I wanted to let her die, let her fade away and become this totally different doppelganger? I say fuck you if you think I'm throwing away all vestiges of the life I once had. The life I loved. I've had it with you trying to pull me back into that mad hell my life once was. Enough already, trying to tell me that my life ain't worth living. Trust me, I never wanted to leave you behind. I am forever indebted to you and how you were there for me but I wanted my life to get better, and you didn't care if yours ever would. And you didn't care if mine would get better. You never wanted me to get better. It wasn't going anywhere. And when you threatened those I love that was the final straw. I had to stop you from taking over my life. And the worst thing was that you didn't care. Not anymore. I don't know why when I saw those photographs, all those photographs - only of you, it all just broke loose again. I thought I had it all under control, I thought I could deal with it. I'm just horribly devastated by how wrong I was. Honestly I don't know where this is heading. Yeah, my life sucks. Oh, help me. Please. Someone, please, please. Help me. The tears don't flow, they never will dry. I'm drowning inside. |